Apparently I have this chronic disease for some time now. For years I knew it was coming because I have lived a life on high speed level so the engine had to crash at some point. It wasn’t a life of partying, drugs, alcohol and sex. No, it was a life of running away, surviving and most of al staying alife and in a later stage protecting my children.

So there its is; the news of my chronic disease which from now on only get worse and never get better. Ironical in this story is, after living for years with emotional pain, I now live with physical pain. I find it rather ironical that it’s easier to live with physical pain then emotional pain. But somehow the people around me don’t understand why I accept this so easy. They come up with therapies, doctors, medicins and things I have to do. I really don’t understand why they need to ‘fix’ me in stead of just having fun with me. After years of severe stress, not knowing if I would live or die, I found piece of mind what makes me happy and releaved.

Yes my body hurts. Twice a day I plug in my MP3-player and start walking. Every step hurts terribly but as long as I can put one foot for another I am still moving. Out loud I am singing with my music on my MP3; ‘Live by the code that you gotta move on.’ Now and then I make people smile because of my crazy act along the way but I don’t care. ‘You cannot stop me, I paid my dues.’

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