I love stormy weather. Maybe not strange for a libra which is an air-sign. So while this summerstorm is trying his best to make trees dance and let leaves fly into the air, I’m feeling great. Walking through the storm feels like having superpowers.

After my powerwalk through the rain, I make myself a hot cup of tea and switch on the tv. I end up watching some programm on TLC about weddingdresses. Seriously, why do I watch this? There is this woman who wants to celebrate her 50th aniversary with her husband.

Somehow I envy her. There are things as a single mom, I will never experience. I will never celebrate any aniversary with my husband. Time is running out for that. I will never have those late night talks where you start sentences like: ‘Do you remember….’ I will never have to say goodbye to the love of my life when he takes his last breath and I will never know how it feels to be alone again after all those years of being together. Those are the things you start to realize getting older.

I have missed out a lot in my life but somehow I always thought the love of my life would find me someday. I guess he got lost, got hit by a bus or got lost of track. Maybe he gave up the search too not being able to find me.

While the storm pulls me out of my crazy thoughts by throwing some rain and leaves against the window, my cat crawls on to my lap. I switch off the tv. Somewhere there is still this little bit of hope that he is out there, we just need some magic finding eachother.