What did you do? You are all sparkly and joy. You look so great!‘ It’s what I hear since the day I met my Homeboy again. For the sake of clarity lets name him Homeboy. They are right, when I see the photo’s taken by my daughter, I see a sparkling lively person. Like she is on top of the world and never had a damn cloud in her life.

It was one of those days again, a day everybody wanted to visit me. I hardly see ever friends at my house because I like to be by myself most of the time. They say they are my friends but they dont feel like friends. We never make plans together, they just stop by for tea, we talk and they leave again. Anyway, two of those friends visited me again on the same day. They looked at me and asked the same question. ‘What happend? You look great!

I mumble that it must be the new medication. Pain has reduced with 75%. I know it’s not because of the medication but because of Homeboy. Ofcourse I don’t tell them, I smile and say it could be the summersun or the blue moon that was up the other night. Luckily they buy my crap and we move on to their complaining hour. That’s what they here for anyway, to be heard.

Later that night, just before I turn into bed I send him a short message. ‘Compliments from everybody are for you!’ Ofcourse he doesn’t understand anything of what I’m saying and I explain. He laughs and answers that I know where to go to.

I know perfectly but planning a moment together is always close to being impossible because of our lifes. We agreed we will try upcoming monday and with a little sparkle in my heart I close my eyes and think of his last kiss.

It was my nasty alarmclock who woke me up too early this morning. I turn around trying to get out of bed. Try. Right there on that moment I know that the sparkle faded away. The pain is back fully 100%  and I wont shine anymore untill next time we meet. Strangley it hurts both outside as inside my body. My Homeboy, will he ever really know how important he is to me?